Food has replaced sex in my life; now, I can't even get into my own pants.  ~Author Unknown
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.  ~Author Unknown
I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.  ~Jane Wagner
It's not women's fault that diets don't work.  It's not perversity of lack of willpower.  God did this - in Her great wisdom.  ~Dr. Wayne Callaway
Where do you go to get anorexia?  ~Shelley Winters
To lengthen your life, shorten your meals.  ~Proverb
You can't lose weight by talking about it.  You have to keep your mouth shut.  ~Author Unknown
I think I just ate my willpower.  ~Author Unknown
If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams.  ~Jason Love
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.  ~Author Unknown
I am a nutritional overachiever.  ~Author Unknown
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first.  By the second day, you're off it.  ~Jackie Gleason
Dieting is not a piece of cake.  ~Author Unknown
You know it's time to diet when you push away from the table and the table moves.  ~Quoted in The Cockle Bur
If food is your best friend, it's also your worst enemy.  ~Edward "Grandpa" Jones, 1978
I have a great diet.  You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.  ~Ed Bluestone
A diet is a plan, generally hopeless, for reducing your weight, which tests your will power but does little for your waistline.  ~Herbert B. Prochnow

I'm not overweight.  I'm just nine inches too short.  ~Shelley Winters
Dieters live life in the fasting lane.  ~Author Unknown
Govern well thy appetite, lest SinSurprise thee, and her black attendant, Death.~John Milton
People say that losing weight is no walk in the park.  When I hear that I think, yeah, that's the problem.  ~Chris Adams
As for food, half of my friends have dug their graves with their teeth.  ~Chauncey M. Depew
To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.  ~Mark Twain, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, 1876
I'm on a 90-day wonder diet.  Thus far, I've lost 45 days.  ~Author Unknown
The commonest form of malnutrition in the western world is obesity.  ~Mervyn Deitel
Flabbergasted, adj.  Appalled over how much weight you have gained.  ~Author Unknown
I'm in shape.  Round is a shape... isn't it?  ~Author Unknown
I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades.  I've lost a total of 789 pounds.  By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.  ~Erma Bombeck
My advice if you insist on slimming:  Eat as much as you like - just don't swallow it.  ~Harry Secombe
I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food.  ~Erma Bombeck
Forget about calories - everything makes thin people thinner, and fat people fatter.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
In general, mankind, since the improvement of cookery, eats twice as much as nature requires.  ~Benjamin Franklin
When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away.  But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later.  Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad.  ~Janette Barber
Clogged with yesterday's excess, the body drags the mind down with it.  ~Horace
They are sick that surfeit with too much, as they that starve with nothing.  ~William Shakespeare
We never repent of having eaten too little.  ~Thomas Jefferson, 1825
History is apt to judge harshly those who sacrifice tomorrow for today.  ~Harold MacMillan
It would be far easier to lose weight permanently if replacement parts weren't so handy in the refrigerator.  ~Hugh Allen
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.  ~Tom Wilson
I'm not overweight, I'm undertall.  ~Author Unknown
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.  ~Dave Barry
Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.  ~Author Unknown
Gluttony is not a secret vice.  ~Orson Welles
If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with only one definite piece of information:  french-fried potatoes are out.  ~Jean Kerr
All people are made alike -of bones and flesh and dinner -Only the dinners are different.~Gertrude Louise Cheney
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.  Unless there are three other people.  ~Orson Welles
We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.  ~Author Unknown
If I can't have too many truffles I'll do without.  ~Colette
The only way to lose weight is to check it as airline baggage.  ~Peggy Ryan
Fat is not a moral problem.  It's an oral problem.  ~Jane Thomas Noland
Never eat more than you can lift.  ~Miss Piggy
If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner.  ~H.S. Leigh
Obesity is a mental state, a disease brought on by boredom and disappointment.  ~Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.  ~Mark Twain
Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet.  ~Dan Bennett
Obesity is really widespread.  ~Joseph O. Kern II
She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."  ~P.G. Wodehouse
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow ye diet.  ~Lewis C. Henry
MY wife is a light eater.  As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.  ~Henny Youngman
I bought a talking refrigerator that said "Oink" every time I opened the door.  It made me hungry for pork chops.  ~Marie Mott
Another good reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back.  ~Robert Quillen
Don't go out of your weigh to please anyone but yourself.  ~Author Unknown